How Am I?

How am I? I guess that doesn't really matter anymore in the wider scheme of things; that's just the direction our world went in two decades ago, going on three.

Since 2012, I have really battled with the world and people in general. It's been very hard to maintain friendships, especially online. It's easier for the other person than it is for me, mainly because I am a Neuro-Divergent who does not understand social convention.

What that basically means, is that over time, people will eventually slow down their communication with me and stop talking entirely; I could have started off with a really good foundation, but that does not matter. They will always remain a sort of friend in the background, I have a small handful like that dotted around over the years since my early 20s. Some of them, however, they ceased friendships completely after becoming globalists, but that's the exception.

I honestly don't have a fixed frame of mind, therefore, I don't really understand what is the normal mode of conversation that keeps people connected. Generally, when people start to fade, I start to destabilise I try to find out in my way what they want to hear in response; I start to post random things and some of them might not even be complete structures of thought.

In the wider world, especially with my own siblings and people of the past, they are triggered by something of the past that's negative and then there will suddenly be an explosion of conversation for a brief time, and then they go back to ignoring me again.

It's not me, I really have tried to be more positive, but for my family, most of them anyway, it's nearly always one-sided; with the exception of one of two of them who do randomly message me the others just don't bother.

When I post about my daughter and her achievements, positive things in my life nobody really gives a damn, and yet they are supposed to be family? It was only my father who responded to that message 2 weeks later, the others did not even draw a reference to it or the photos I had sent; maybe if I passed away that would get their attention for a short period of time. Of course, it would only be a short period of time and I would very quickly fade away into the background as if I didn't really exist.

I feel that's the same for who I am online, eventually, I will become completely forgotten if I just let social media go where it is already going. I knew that anyway, and have known for a long time now. I just moved to other social media platforms and battled on with other people; the weirdo that most people say they like, but in reality, I am not that well-liked as I am not really understood.

Ultimately, this blog was started deliberately, as it will be all that remains of my online presence in the wider world; the last record that a mind as brilliant and as diverse as mine ever existed. In some ways, like a historical record for those from a time in the future who will see me when the world is ready to understand who and what I actually am?