This is Me, Learn to Accept It!

For a long time now, I have wondered why my personal social networks decline; most of them throughout my lifetime have reached a point where they just phased out or fell into a cold slump.

Two decades ago, I took what people said about me to heart and changed my outwards projected personality. Actually, I changed my own personality and even altered my own behaviour by controlling neural triggers several or more times to better fit in with other people.

However, it did not matter how much I changed, or even whether I was less talkative; or resisted talking altogether, unless absolutely necessary to utter a few words to communicate something. As I found that people always found a problem with me, there was always some observation from other people about my personality they did not like.

You talk too much.

You don't talk, and it's rude.

You're annoying and not interesting.

You talk rubbish.

I don't have to listen to anything you say.

I don't like your face.

I hate how you talk.

What's your problem?

You don't listen.

You always think you are right.

You always think you are better than other people.

This is just a brief list of some of the things people have said to me; most say these things to silence me or just remove me from their view entirely.

As a critical thinker, I have always taken these things to heart and always tried to look at myself more in-depth to find the problem(s) people are/have noticed with me.

However, after the changes to my personality and still having people find problems with me and a lot of self-criticism and reflection. Well, I realised that there are a lot of people who hate themselves in this world and have targeted me because they felt threatened in some way with their primitive brains.

In truth, I have a lot to say and always have. I have had times when I talk too much. But, that's usually because other people don't really bother to talk at all. When you are quiet they complain that you are rude. Trying to find a middle ground, and they tell you that you are annoying and not interesting or hate your face. This is the primary reason I preferred to live online with social chat platforms and then later social networks.

People don't see my face, and therefore it's much easier to make friends and maintain a connection. Though, as of the past 4 or so years, it seems that people don't want to maintain connections, and it becomes exhaustive trying to find things to talk about, only to find that nobody has even bothered to respond to what I have posted; it's like I am nothing but an annoyance to people in the modern context and I have reached a point where I feel social chat is coming to an end.

The only real problem with me is the power of my mind, I am not a quiet voice at all. There are a great many things I know that others do not; the main problem is that most of the world's population are subjective thinkers by default. Mostly, I am an objective thinker that can sometimes be persuaded by subjectivity with certain causes.

I am not always right, but there are things that I know for a fact that were not weighted in subjectivity that greatly conflict with things that are. People cling to incorrect knowledge systems and I have to debate with them to help them see why they can't use single sources of information that are tainted by subjective lenses. This is one of the main reasons people start to dislike me, I am more evolved in my thinking than a lot of people, though I have bad days and there are times when I am completely wrong. I can accept when I am wrong, yet, it's extremely rare if anybody else does; most just try to force their view forward when I know for a fact it's completely wrong as I looked at all the angles to find a more accurate outcome.

It's just like incorrectly saying all French people are homosexual because of their behaviour. A person observes this from an outside context and are convinced without a doubt that this is correct. I look at the weighted whole as the likelihood that an entire culture is homosexual is statistically impossible as they would not breed and therefore their population size would rapidly shrink. Also, I look at the inside perspective to see that the observed behaviour only pertains to fashion; it is also warped because French males can be openly feminine in terms of being romantic, but it does not mean they are homosexuals. Rather, the cultural lens used to view them as such stems from a culture that's predominately masculine, and such outwards projected behaviours are not seen within their culture.

This is just an example, but it's important for people to understand that I am not trying to say I am always right, or that I am better than other people because I have a view that they do not. Rather, I am trying to say that people need to evolve their thinking to see beyond subjectivity; my mind is just too advanced for a lot of people to truly understand. Likewise for others with minds that have different logic systems that I can't understand; we just need to find a middle ground to move forward.

Another point to mention is that people in the physical sense have convinced themselves I have an attitude problem and that I don't listen. It is sometimes relayed to me in online conversations as well.

I spent a great many years battling this internally and trying to determine if what was being said was correct. However, after over a decade of observation and self-reflection, I realised nothing they were saying was actually correct in a real-world context; it was however correct in their perception as I am not like other people who think and behave a certain way. Therefore, I was a problem to them, as I did not respond the same way other people did, it came across that I was not listening. When I countered it they perceived me as having an attitude problem.

In other words, I observed sheep type behaviour from nearly every person in the workplace in many of the places I had worked during my life. There are people in positions of authority who do not observe correctly, much of their observation is inaccurate as it's not observation, rather it's assumptions about what another person is doing or not doing. Many look at data and try to understand the outcomes of that data in an extracted way, they absolutely do not look at people and all the factors responsible; a lot of blame is assigned to people they have decided to target to take the blame based on an inaccurate assumption of their character and work ethic.

Personally, I have observed a great many things from different perspectives. I have seen a person being "corrected" when such action was not necessary. These incompetent managers or supervisors have relayed their inaccurate observations about them to that person. That person just sits there in agreement knowing that what is being said is complete nonsense. After the review or meeting, the worker comes to an agreement with the manager to improve and then goes back to work.

Of course, that person then relays their frustrations with a close network of working colleagues they know and trust. I have seen it time and time again where people vent their frustrations in regard to the inaccurate observation and try to find a way to avoid being seen by such a manager as much as possible, so they are not targeted again later. If they are repeatedly targeted they eventually just quit that job and makeup something as a reason why, but they never once confront the manager or supervisor to tell them the real reason why they have to leave.

Can you see where this is going?

Ok, well I don't have a quiet mind at all, and I will not accept inaccurate observations about my character and what I am doing. I hate assumptions and therefore will make a stand against any inaccurate lack-thereof-observations about my work ethic and what I am doing when I am working.

I will tell them the truth about what was really happening and tell them they had made an inaccurate assumption. They tell me that they watched me do something, yet, I never even seen them anywhere near where they could have even made such an observation, which means their angle of view was impossible therefore it was a blatant lie; a means to oppress me and force their will over me.

I can take constructive criticism if the observation made is correct, that's not the problem. The problem is actually when people are trying to tell me something that I know is wrong without a doubt is actually correct. This is why people in such situations tell me I have an attitude problem and don't listen. It applies to many other situations as well, not just in the workplace.